I guess I'm going to try and make this blog a regular Friday event. I have to make a schedule of things to stay on top of the chaos that is life. I have so many ideas during the week of what i want to write about but I unusually think of this stuff in the car when I cant exactly write things down. However, I'm a complicated human and i've got plenty of subject material.
About 10 years ago, I denounced all religion and spirituality. But let me back up by saying that I was raised in a split home by christian parents. My mom grew up Church of Christ and didnt really go to church regularly, best i know. I suppose that might have something to do with my grandparents having 10 kids and being in the military. Regardless, I was taught about God and Jesus etc, When I got into my pre-teens, my dad and step mom at the time (Cathy) were mega into their church and life groups and whatnot. My dad was an elder in the church and we were pretty forced to consider the christian god in all things. One summer my stepmom made me break all my secular CDs because I had The Craft Soundtrack lol. Needless to say, I followed what I was taught and never questioned it...
So, after a pretty rough breakup, about 15 years ago, I decided to stop "praying about it" and start actually making changes in my life and I found that when you take responsibility for your own choices, you can make positive changes in your life. When you choose to only pray about it and not change your own actions, you shouldn't expect results. This taught me everything. I finally was taking responsibility for my own actions (or in-actions) and growing as a real life human being... and I havent missed religion at all. But I do realize that I miss spirituality. Religion or no-religion, I'm finding that spirituality is a part of life you cannot refute.... but it also has nothing to do with religion. I think when I realized that you can be spiritual and not religious, it lit a fire in me to figure out what I believe and what I honestly feel intune with. So here's my stream of consciousness when it comes to my spirituality:
I believe in Alchemy.
I believe in the vibrations and frequencies that exist in our universe.
I believe that the idea of getting "bad vibes" or "trusting your instinct" is adverse vibrations and frequencies that we should take note of.
I believe in the powers of rocks and crystals* and all of earth elements. I believe you can use them as a tool for understanding and healing... even if its just the practice of mindfulness and intent.
*Look, I don't worship a crystal or anything.. I just believe that all elements have their own frequencies and they can effect our frequencies to manipulate our physical and spiritual beings.
Here's the deal... when you believe in NOTHING, you should be open to EVERYTHING. How can I say I don't believe in things if I haven't tried it myself? It's easy to call it all bullshit and walk away... but it doesn't remedy that inner-most feel of "who am I and why do I exist". I think all humans have a need to understand. We all need to feel like we have purpose... I don't know if we do or not. Hell, all of this creation could be a fluke accident and there is no meaning. Or maybe we are some ant farm-like project for a greater species. Maybe the universe is actually the nucleus of a cell of something MUCH larger we'll never understand.
I don't know. I don't know the answers and that's okay. But I can expand my knowledge and grow to find my own truths, and that's where i am now.
I've suddenly got much interest in reading books on the metaphysical. The tarot, the zodiac, numerology, palmistry.... what if we can actually tap into the knowledge of the universe by decoding it's existence?!?
Who knows. But for now, Im digging it.
